第三节 实例分析
在实际的阅卷过程中，考试委员会一般会从各个档次的作文中选出若干篇具有代表性的考生文章加以评分，以这些作文作为阅卷老师的参照样本。下面选取了2008年专四考试中几篇不同分数段的考生的作文和便条，以此来详细解析专四作文的评分标准。
（一）作文实例分析
TEM-42008
SECTION A COMPOSITION [35 MIN]
December 5th is International Volunteers Day.Since 1985,when the United Nations announced the special day,tens of millions of people around the world have volunteered to help those in need.China now has 4.5 million registered volunteers who have provided more than 4.5 billion hours of volunteer work.What can you gain from volunteering?
Write a composition of about 200 words on the following topic:
The Benefits of Volunteering
You are to write in three parts.
In the first part,state specifically what your opinion is.
In the second part,support your opinion with appropriate details.
In the last part,bring what you have written to a natural conclusion or a summary.
Marks will be awarded for content,organization,grammar and appropriateness.Failure to follow the instructions may result in a loss of marks.
题目分析：
2008年的题目要求考生分析志愿工作带来的益处，由此可知，文章的观点已经给出，考生应当分析的是志愿活动带来的积极方面的作用。而根据写作要求可知，作者首先要在文章的开头表明自己的观点，然后在主题段落阐释理由，即具体分析志愿工作能带来哪些益处。在分析的过程中，可以采用举例阐述、假设和对比等其他的思维方式证明自己的观点，做到详略得当，条理清晰，理论与实际相结合。在文章的结尾，再次总结上文提及的原因，并重申自己的观点，最终得出结论。
习作一：（13分）
What We Can Learn from Volunteer Work?
Volunteering,in many people’s opinion,is almost a waste of time.Volunteers seem to gain little,if anything from their work.But actually this is not the case at all.Most volunteers find their work meaningful and worthwhile.
The most apparent benefit of volunteers can gain real work experience in the community.As most volunteers are young and inexperienced college students,it will help them greatly in obvious social reality and taking part in social activities.Another major benefit volunteers can gain is the cultivation of a sense of responsibility.By helping the weaker members of our society,volunteers often feel on their shoulders the duty of citizenship which is necessary in maintaining good relationship in a family,a community and a whole society.A third benefit that is often overlooked is the happiness at the bottom of one’s heart.This is gained simply by helping others.
Being a volunteer may not bring you any money,but surely one can gain a great deal from their volunteer work which can benefit his later life and work.
点评：
内容：作者观点较为明确，内容切题，开头就表明自己的观点，即“Most volunteers find their work meaningful and worthwhile”，然后紧紧围绕这一主题展开详细的论述。
结构：文章结构清晰，组织结构完整，首尾呼应。主体段落分析了志愿工作的三个益处，论述有理有据，分配合理，条理分明。过渡词使用准确，例如：another major benefit volunteers can gain is...,a third benefit that is often overlooked is...等。
语法：文章几乎没有语法问题，偶有小错或表达不地道不准确的地方（如witness social reality，又如，The most apparent benefit of volunteers can gain real work experience in the community.这个句子不符合英语表达逻辑），但不影响文章的整体效果。
语言：语言流畅自然，适当使用了一些高端词汇，例如worthwhile,apparent,cultivation,sense of responsibility等，同时注重了句式的变化。
习作二：（10分）
The Benefits of Volunteer Work
With the development of science,the quality of our lives have been considerably changed,and people are becoming increasly aware of the significance of volunteering.The arguement over it has recently brought into focus.Quite a few deem that there is no benefit for volunteering,but others,in contrast,think you can get a lot through volunteering.As far as I am concerned,volunteering is good for ourselves,and we can get a lot through it.
The benefit of my ideas can generalized to a few reasons.First of all,through volunteering you can practice yourself and learn something that you can never learned in class.In addition,you can make a lot of people through volunteering,who can be your great treasure throughout your life.At last,you may get ready to know the society,and help a lot of people.Among all the benefit,I only list these.
Taking into accountant of all these factors,we may draw the conclusion that we can really get a lot from volunteering.Therefore,in order to perfect ourselves,go out to volunteer and not only yourself but also the society will benefit a lot.
点评：
内容：文章基本切题，并且能根据题目要求展开论述，观点也比较鲜明，但文章的开头论述过长，不能立刻点明自己的观点。
结构：结构基本正确，但是整体上三段的篇幅分配上欠合理，第二段的重点论述段落内容不够充实，可以适当运用举例论证的方法加以拓展。
语法：语法基本正确，但一些地方用词错误，如多次使用了a lot/a lot of,并且在被动语态、单词拼写等方面存在一定的问题，如increasly,arguement,但总体错误率在10%左右。
语言：语言比较流畅，有一定的说服力，用词比较丰富，但部分用词过于口语化，例如think you。
习作三：（7分）
The Benefits of Volunteering
Volunteering is not only a way to help other people but also a positive attitude towards life,which will make the persons you’ve helped to live a better life as well as yourself.One can benefit a lot from it.
I worked as a Volunteer for the 2007 World Bridge Campion,the experience of which teaches me a lot.At that time,I got up at 6 o’clock and went back to school until midnight with tiring legs.But when I find what I did was a great help for the competitors and One day a player from South Africa told me,“Your beautiful smile make me think of my daughter.”I know the work I did was of great important to them.What we do for them made them feel at home and would remind them of a welcomed expression in China.However,I think I benefit more from it.I learn to communicate with foreign people and to be confident,patient and helpful,which I can not learn from class.Volunteering makes me grow up and know more about life.After this experience,I hold the understand that“to give before you ask”,we need to contribute ourselves to the society before we ask for something.
In a word,we can benefit from volunteering a lot.
点评：
内容：内容切题，但举例部分的论述重点有误，应当放在谈志愿工作的收获和益处上，而作者则只是简单地叙述了做志愿服务的工作，对文体的理解有误。
结构：收尾过于仓促，只有一句话，而且与开头表达观点的句子基本一样，句式应给予适当的变换。
语法：文章出现的语法错误过多，有几处出现词性混淆的现象，如：understand,且全文基本是以“I”开头的句型，句式缺乏变化。
语言：语言较为流畅，但举例部分过于详细，应当更简洁些，在遣词造句方面也缺乏变化。
（二）便条实例分析
TEM-42008
SECTION BNOTE-WRITING [10 MIN]
Write on ANSWER SHEET THREE a note of about 50-60 words based on the following situation:
Jane,your classmate,is thinking of subscribing to an English language newspaper.And you would like to recommend one to her.Write a note,telling her which newspaper it is and describing two features of the paper.
Marks will be awarded for content,organization,grammar and appropriateness.
题目分析：
2008年的题目要求考生推荐英文报纸，写作的对象是班里的同学，这就决定了整篇便条应使用的语气。而在情景提示中可以看出，便条内容的重点应当放到所推荐报纸的两个特点上面。
便条一：（10分）
April 20th,2008
Dear Jane,
Have you decided which newspaper to subscribe to yet?I strongly recommend 21st Century to you,which is a very popular English language newspaper among us students.It is well organized for the convenience of its readers.What’s more,the content of the newspaper is exceedingly abundant,raging from news items to short stories.It is really the best choice,and I hope you will like it.
Yours sincerely,
Lucy
点评：
该便条格式正确，内容完整，意思表达明确，语言流畅。
便条二：（8分）
Dear Jane,
As to the English language newspaper you are thinking of subscribing to,I would recommend 21st century.First,I think the contents of the newspaper are interesting enough for you to carry on reading.In addition,the language of the newspaper is not too difficult for you to understand.I think it would be more beneficial if you could read the newspaper every week and your English will definitely be improved.
Yours,
Elle
点评：
该便条内容完整，意思表达明确，但是没有写日期，还出现一些细节上的错误，例如century也应该大写。
便条三：（5分）
April 20th,2008
Dear Jane,
Hearing you want to subscribe an English language newspaper.I want to suggest you book 21st Century English newspaper.Because the newspaper I used it and feel the content is related to our college life,which is very natural.After you read it,you can learn many news words that it has already explained.So I think it is very useful for you.
Best wishes for you!
Yours sincerely,
Mary
点评：
该便条格式基本正确，内容基本完整，但个别地方用词不当，意思表达不够明确，出现了一些语法错误。
便条四：（3分）
March 19,2008
Dear Jane,
I’m delighted to learned that you are subscribing an English language newspaper.I’m very interested in the English-language newspaper.In my opinion,I want to recommend you the English-weekly newspaper.
Although they are both English newspaper,they are different from each other.The English-language newspaper is based on the language.Tell us more about the pronunciation.On the contrary,the English-weekly newspaper is very interesting and funny.It has various of contents.Its good for our study.
Think it carefully.
I’m looking forward to knowing your answers.
Yours,
Ann
点评：
该便条的格式基本正确，但存在的问题较多。第一，内容不完整，没有按照题目的要求描述报纸的两个特点，仅仅是比较了两份报纸的优劣；第二，意思表达不清楚，部分句子不连贯，有些地方还出现了语法错误，导致语言不够流畅；第三，字数过多，语言不够简练。